Thursday, June 30, 2022

Hanging on to the hem of His garment

Esther is down to four radiation treatments.  She started Week 6 today, and completed day #26.  With Independence Day on Monday, this means she will finish her 30 treatments on Thursday, July 7th.  Most of the families with whom we have been doing life together with for the last six weeks have finished their initial treatments and have gone home, at least for now.  Another little girl arrived on the same day as we did, and will also finish her last treatment on Thursday, so the other mom and I are hanging in there together until we can go home.  We are using the three-day weekend to sort through things and start organizing so we can pack up and reunite with our families.


There are a lot of thoughts, reflections, and realizations that I have had in our nearly two months here in Memphis, and I look forward to the day I can gather these ideas into cohesive sentences and share them with you all. I hope they will encourage and inspire, as well as provide revelation as to just how much Jesus loves you and just how good God is.  







Wednesday, June 22, 2022

Hardest thing ever

Tomorrow is Josiah's first birthday.  Tomorrow is the first time our family has been separated for a first birthday, and last month, we were also separated for our oldest's eighteenth birthday.  In nearly 19 years (July 3) of marriage, Jim and I have never been separated for so long, and when we have been apart for work or missions trips, the other one of us was always home (HOME) in our comfort zone with our babies (and none of them had medically special needs before this).  This is by far the hardest thing we have ever done - as individuals and as a couple and as a family.  The families here at the Ronald McDonald House have become our second family, and we understand each other better than anyone what we are going through.  We have started our own traditions here of Sunday potluck dinners, and there are two birthdays this week, so we're having a house birthday party!  We've also started a private Facebook group for families who have stayed at the RMH or who will be moving in soon to support each other. 



Josiah's last day being Zero




Sunday, June 19, 2022

Potluck Dinner Party

 A few other parents and I organized a potluck dinner for this evening, and it was about the best thing we could have ever done!  Many parents told me they were looking forward to it all week, and other parents wanted to come but forgot about it, so we are having another potluck tomorrow with leftovers from tonight!  Nearly all of our time and energies as the caregivers is spent taking care of our medically special needs children, and there is little to no time to take care of ourselves.  Since we have to eat on the weekends (the Ronald McDonald House Grill is closed on the weekends), too, and we're all figuring out our own dinner plans anyway, we figured, "why not share the burden, make one dish, and eat from ten??"  This certainly helped make prepping, cooking, and cleaning a breeze (we even found some paper plates!).

The children got to hang out and eat together, and the adults got to finally have some adult conversations (even if it was mostly about the kids!) and we made some new friends and shared some laughs.  Fellowship is the best kind of medicine for everyone. God is in constant community within the God-head (Father, Son, Holy Spirit which makes the God-family), and we are made in His image...we are made to fellowship and relate to others. The potluck (aka "dinner party") gave everyone something to look forward to all week, and it is giving us something to look forward to tomorrow as well!  Praise the Lord!!





Wednesday, June 15, 2022

Wacky Wednesday

 Esther started the day with only two appointments - radiation (3-in-1) and the initial eye checkup - scheduled to be done around 11:30.  Our plan was to have lunch at the hospital before heading back to the Ronald McDonald House, getting back around 1:00 for nice, normal, afternoon naps.


Instead, we returned back to the house around 3:30, after going on two wild goose chases.  One - we lost our wagon's canopy on Monday afternoon at our last appointment,.  Two - Esther's skin had a rash that needed to be taken care of before leaving for the day.


After lunch, and up to which point everything was going according to plan, we headed back to the main entrance to use the bathroom and wait for the next shuttle back to the Ronald McDonald House.  While we were using the restroom, Esther reminded me that we didn't ask about the lost wagon canopy yet.  So we went back to Clinic C to see if they had found it.  The receptionist didn't know, so she sent us to the security desk, where they usually keep lost and found items.  The security desk, by the main entrance, was not the main security desk, so we went all the way back towards Clinic C to the main desk.  They did know about the wagon canopy, although it was not locked up where the guard had put it yesterday.  They called Patient Services and found out it was downstairs another level, and thankfully, the lady went down there to retrieve it for us.  After we signed for receiving our missing item, we started heading back to the main entrance, with the plan to call the radiology clinic about the rash on Esther's skin on the way.


I called the nurse Esther had this morning, since she had noticed a little bit of a rash this morning, and asked her where we should go or what we should do to get it looked at.  She said we could go to any clinic and ask to see a nurse without an appointment.  I asked her if one of the charge nurses in radiology, who had accessed Esther's port this week (I can explain that in more depth at another time if you'd like), could look at it, because she was already aware of the rash that had developed over the weekend (and subsided).  She said yes, we could come back to the radiology clinic, so we continued on our way.  When we arrived there, the receptionist said almost everyone was currently in a meeting, and she would call a few people and see what we should do.  The nurse informed her over the phone that we needed to go to Esther's main clinic - Clinic E - and they would take care of it there.


When we arrived at Clinic E, the neuro-oncology clinic, the receptionist was not present, which is okay, because we can always check in at Clinic D around the hallways instead.  When I explained why we were there without an appointment, the Clinic D receptionist called the nurses and asked if Esther could be seen.  The nurse informed the receptionist that we needed to go to the Line Care Clinic (by the main entrance), and they were putting in the referral for us as we headed that way (again!).  When we arrived to the unmarked door there were signs telling us that we needed to wait outside for someone to either call or page us.  We needed to use the restroom again (mind you, it has been over an hour since we finished lunch by now), and thought that would work out nicely while we waited to be called in.


While we're waiting out in the lobby/hallway area, I realized Josiah hadn't even gotten his after-lunch-nursing session, so I took him out of the wagon to let him nurse while we finished waiting.  He nursed and napped for about thirty minutes, which he desperately needed, by which time I was becoming agitated wondering why Esther hadn't been seen yet.  When Josiah was done, and before I even took off the nursing shawl, I popped up and went to let myself in to inquire about Esther's referral.


The two nurses at the Line Care clinic had never gotten the referral, and didn't even know we needed to be seen.  (mind-blowing!)  They asked for Esther's medical record number, so they could call Esther's main clinic and add the referral themselves, while we went back to the hallway to pack up the wagon quickly and head back inside.  It was now 2:45pm.


The nurses worked together, thankfully, to help Esther as quickly as possible and let us finally wrap up this wacky Wednesday.  They took the dressing off her port, cleaned the area around her port (being careful to leave the IV in so as to avoid a second poke), cleaned the iodine-type liquid off, redressed the IV with more gentle adhesives, added loads of nystatin/triamcinolone cream to the entire rash area, put some gauze on the cream loosely to help it stay on the skin, and then gave us some more gauze, cream, blue tape (gentle medical tape), and cleansing pads.  We will have to see about getting more cream as a prescription from Esther's regular Clinic E doctor tomorrow, as they recommended putting cream on twice a day until the port is de-accessed, and then three times a day with good baths on the weekend.  Hopefully, that will help her skin calm down and return to a normal state for accessing the port again next week.  We left the Nurse Line clinic at 3:20, and actually made it on the 3:20 shuttle, which was still in the circle loading up other families.  Praise the Lord we made it back to the RMH around 3:30, and could finally call it a day. Whew!






Sunday, June 12, 2022

What? What? and What?

 What we've been told

  • “We know your child is going to die from this.”
  • “She has 4 to 9 months left.”
  • “There is no cure.”
  • “Standard care is radiation and then palliative care until the end.”
  • “Your job is to make her as comfortable as possible for as long as possible.”
  • “Clinical trials are only in phase 1, or phase 2 at best.”
  • “The best way to treat brain tumors is to surgically remove them, but this tumor is inoperable.”


What we know

  • God is good.  All the time.
  • All good things come from God.
  • All bad things come from Satan.
  • It's not God's fault.  The world is broken because of the Fall, but God designed the world to be good.
  • God works all things together for good for those who love Him.
  • God can do the impossible.
  • The anointing breaks the bonds of this world.
  • God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.


What we do

  • We live like today is a gift from God - because it is.
  • We have hope for tomorrow and a promise for eternity.
  • We continue to make long-term plans for Esther and our family, because although no one is guaranteed tomorrow, that never stopped us from planning and preparing for the future before this.
  • We work hard and pray hard - everyday.  We leave the rest up to God.
  • "This is the day that the Lord has made.  We will rejoice and be glad in it." - Psalm 118 : 24






Friday, June 10, 2022

What a ride!

This marks Esther's third week of radiation treatment, our third week at the Ronald McDonald House, and our first month at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital.  What a ride!


While being the sole caregiver for Esther and Josiah, and cooking/making as many meals from scratch as possible to support Esther's own natural healing that God has designed, I'm pretty short on "extra" time these days, although with so much going on outside of St. Jude's as well, I could really use extra time!  (And extra energy...did I mention sleep, too?? 😂)


Although the day-to-day and week-to-week routine is getting easier, and I'm balancing meeting the kids' needs with my own needs such as getting some sleep, it is also one of my goals to journal, document, and update everyone on Esther's blog here more often.  That may mean one long post every week(-ish) or a couple of shorter ones throughout the week.  Either way, imperfect action is better than perfect inaction.


Another goal of ours is to work on Esther's nutrition plan more and getting things organized for a brand new kind of shopping list and recipes, as well as figuring out how many carbs/proteins are in everything she eats and figuring out how to keep track of carbs/proteins.


Most of the computer adult-kind-of work waits until Esther and Josiah are both in bed so I can focus on them when they are awake.  I love being their mommy and their immediate physical and emotional needs come before everything else. 


Thank you for all the prayers, gifts and support that you each bring to Esther and our Desrosiers family.  They make a huge difference in keeping up our spirits and make it easier to take care of all our babies.  There's no greater gift that God can give us next to giving us His own Son.




Wednesday, June 8, 2022

Fellow Soldiers - THANK YOU

To everyone in the Lord's Army who fasted with Esther and our family - Thank you!!  May God bless you richly so you may continue to be a blessing to others and fight the battles that come.


I have been planning a more thorough post for some time now, and I keep running out of time and energy, so thank you for following your marching orders and fasting the Battle Fighting Fast with us for Esther's complete healing even when all was silent.  We appreciate you more than you can know, and more importantly, God sees the motives of your heart and knows your faithfulness to obey Him even when you didn't hear from us.  Continue to listen that Voice above all others.


And please know that although this battle may be done for now, the war is just beginning.  We may be calling on the Lord's troops to fight again for Esther soon!




Who Are We Now?

Who are we now? Who are we now that Esther has left life on earth? Who are we now that our family is incomplete? Who are we since Esther'...